Seasons (Draft dated: 7/28/08)

You know that scripture: "To everything there is a season..." I'm wrestling with the seasons in my life that seem to clash with each other...

This past May [2008] I began interviewing for jobs again. One of them was an amazing job at Utah Valley University in their Human Resources department working with the Employment Manager. The official title of the job was Assistant Benefits & Compensation Manager - a true and perfect fit for me. I absolutely love working in the Human Resources field, and I really enjoy handling and administering benefits.

As the 2nd and 3rd interviews progressed, I learned that I was one of the two candidates being considered for this prestigious job. I was so elated and excited to be joining a college-turned-university, and even more excited to work in HR and focus on benefits. Tony & I discussed our 2 year, 3 year, & 5 year plans, we knew we would be here for at least 5 more years, and we both wanted another baby (hopefully two!). That being said, I knew that I couldn't accept the job knowing that in less than a year I'd be pregnant and have to go on bedrest (we're hoping for an August start on IVF medications = May/June full-term baby).

Making the decision to withdraw my application & having to say "good-bye" to my dream job was so difficult. I told Tony that this type of job is the rarest of jobs to find, and HR jobs don't come open often; but we both felt that the timing was not right & I needed to be home with Rebecca & Mary-Gail. Plus, I'm not one who accepts a job, and then quits after undergoing hours of personnel training & investment when I knew I wouldn't be staying on to begin with.

JoJo, my sweet & understanding & loving sister gave me this poem:

She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be...
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:

"Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame
And wonderful things to do?

"Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels for your hair?"

And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me.
This splendid girl from the shadowy past,
The girl I used to be.

So gently arising I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies
Innocent, sweet and fair.

And I told her that These are my only gems
And precious they are to me
That silken robe is my Motherhood
Of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is Love
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltering walls
For the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest
She smiled through tears to me
And I saw that the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be.

This poem truly sums up the season I'm in right now.
A season that I love and wish could last forever.

I will always have an opportunity to work,
but I will not always have the opportunity nor blessing
of being home with my precious daughters;

I will not always have the time with them that I do now;
and I know that I will not always have them to myself.

Savour this season, for it will pass too quickly.