This clip comes from a book I read while Rebecca & Mary-Gail were struggling as 27-week micro-preemies in the NICU at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I actually think the first time I read it was after we came home from McKay Dee Hospital in Logan, UT, with Mary-Gail from her heart surgery @ 11-days old (terrible experience!) I used this quote when I tried to explain to family what I was going through with Becca & Mary-Gail, their ridiculously early birth, their serious medical problems, and my henious roller-coaster of emotions. This quote explained what my experience of having preemies was like (and how the journey would be from then on). It pretty much summed up how I felt then; and I think it sums up how I feel now.
The last 3 paragraphs speak what my heart feels.
WELCOME TO HOLLANDBy: Emily Perl Kingsley
***While she was working on
Sesame Street, someone asked her to explain what it was like to have a disabled child, and this is what she said***
What it feels like to have a critically ill newborn (or in my case now, having to face cancer and a hysterectomy when I was in the process of In-vitro Fertilization. My change from "Italy" to "Holland")
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
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4 comments:
I like that, a lot... thanks for sharing it.
~C
Our prayers are with you. We love you. Rick and Penny
I absolutely love this post. The quote is perfect. Thank you so much for sharing it and being part of the Fight for Preemies!
I remember hearing this in the NICU (and bawling as I am right now). I think Italy would have been nice. At this point I think you and I would even be super happy with Holland. Instead we linger in limbo. But I am convinced that in the millenium when everyone else is doing what ever it is we do there, you and I and our families will get to go to Italy. And it will be even better than we can even imagine. In fact, I like to think the Italy at that day will be even better than the Italy of today. I think the Lord has saved some very special experiences for people like us. Experiences that he saves for his chosen few.
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