That is how I would describe the first 3 months of this new year - broken. Hearts broken; minds broken; families broken; dreams & blessings...all broken. Being broken is a terrible feeling. I have pushed, neglected, refused all of my friends and family. I haven't been able to cope with the brokenness. For these last few months I have been paralyzed, some days being unable to function. Being broken is a terrible feeling. I have tried to see how my "broken" can be fixed. Regardless of what is used to mend it, there will always be evidence of it being broken.
I have been reverting back to my sewing days (I used to love to sew!) and remembered this particular jacket I made for my sis-in-law. It was of the most beautiful deep, rich, purple wool, lined with a complementing purple polyester lining. I put a double-pleat in the lining, something I was so proud of then. The jacket was a perfectly fitted, smart-looking jacket: waist-high with exagerrated rounded front ends, two-button closure, long, pointed lapels, and back tie. It had detachable french cuffs and a detachable over-sized french collar, which could either lay on the jacket's lapels or stand on its own. I loved this jacket and was so excited to give it away. My sis-in-law graciously thanked me and then tried it on. Remember that fabulous double-pleat in the lining? I had some trouble with it when I attached it to the inside of the jacket. Nothing much, but there was a tiny bit of evidence that showed my struggle. Above everything else fabulous about this jacket, my sis-in-law noticed the flaw...And that's when I saw the value of my creation fall in her eyes. I suppose that's what has happened. The flaws are too apparent and noticeable, and the brokenness is all anyone notices.
I'm mending what's been broken now, hoping my patch-work can repair it. Patches are OK, right? And hopefully the patches can fix the broken.
Kemp Kuties on the Charleston Pier
September 2007
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6 comments:
Amanda, sweet friend, of course patches are okay--we'd be tattered, isolated, nothings without them. I'm sorry this year has been such a struggle and I am sorry for not even knowing about your struggles. I love you and can't wait to see you in May. Biggest hugs ever, Jessica.
Amanda, I wish I knew what to do to help. I am always willing to listen. Your comments brought this song Broken from Kenneth Cope to mind. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAjkRkF2yEs It doesn't make the brokeness easier but it reminds me of Heavenly Fathers love for us. You are amazing to me the way you still care for those around you when you don't feel whole yourself. Much love, Sharon
Oh Amanda...I wish i was there to help with the mending. And i will say I have never known anyone stronger than YOU! you are the light of this world and at times it is hard to light our own light inside us...but the world is dark without all your wonderfulness you give. I am dark without all your laughter and sweet excitement for the littlest thing. I need you. Mending, patching, rebuilding. of course that is what we do, that is what we do best...sometimes the patch seems to big to mend, or the hole is to thrashed but re-sewn, suprisingly it can always be fixed...we are all rough stones rolling and gradually become beautiful statues of marble that will be desplayed in the eternities. Don't and i say don't let the advesary try to tell you that you aren't great enough to fix whatever has been cracked. You can do it, you have done it before and YOU will do it again. I love you. you are my heart and soul and i wouldn't be who i am today without a sister who has always taught me how to mend what i needed mended.
Amanda,
I think we all have flaws and broken pieces - some noticeable and some not as much. I think in the end this is what defines us and makes us who we are. Never fun to live through, but makes us beautiful in the end. I'm sorry to hear that things have been tough these few months for you. I would never have known by your constant smile. I wish I was more like you - willing to smile even when life is tough. Thanks for your example!
Amanda! Sweetie Pie!! I'm sorry you've had a hard time. I'm always here if you ever need me. Let your friends & family be your patches, super glue & tape. We love you!
Hello My Sister!!! This is your Sister-in-law from the SOUTH (Darleen) HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this my Sister who ran into a Black Families home and took her Dog Back in Charleston,SC? You are a Conquerer Amanda! Use those God given attributes and the power within to rise above all this stuff that is causing you to express such sadness and PLEASE Let me be your Friend.
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