They're heere!

OK, so...my newest nieces have left Heavenly Father & Jesus' presence, and have arrived to the best, most hopeful, most energetic and definitely most loving parents possible!!!! Congrats to Carly & Spencer Mortensen - they have 2 (TWO) beautiful baby girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carly & Spencer had their girls tonight at 8:30 pm (-ish). Both girls are doing amazingly well: breathing on their own! Their APGAR scores were 8 & 9 out of 10!!! JoJo jokingly asked me what Becca & Mary-Gail's scores were. (Well, Becca was probably a 1 or 2 at best, and Miguel was basically dead so she was a big zero). Oh CarCar - I am so thrilled for you! We will continue to pray for your swift recovery and for your two beauties that they will continue to be strong and healthy and fight, fight, fight!

barely there

This morning I found myself completely overwhelmed, stressed-out, frustrated, and exhausted. I sat at the computer printing off the measly number of orders we had this morning (this time last year we averaged 30+/day, and today we only had 6), and I just burst into tears. Thoughts flooded my mind, and I just couldn't suppress them anymore. "It was the straw that broke the camel's back." The question "WHY?" popped into my head and I struggled to force it out. I never like thinking about "why?" It just doesn't do any good to think about that.

Becca & Mary-Gail were close by playing in Daddy's "toys" (read: tools & machines), and they surrounded me in their arms. My 3 1/2 year olds all-of-a-sudden turned into 30-year olds consoling their sobbing mother. Becca said, "Momma, it's OK. Don't cry - I love you," and Mary-Gail said, "Ma, don't be sad. Be happy!" I momentarily forgot that they were too young to understand the weight of my sadness and spilled out all of my emotions, rambling on-and-on. All the while Becca's little body sat on my lap while she patted my back, and Mary-Gail's arms were around my neck - her head buried next to mine.

I'm in survival mode right now. Just barely getting by. Oh sure - if you saw me at work, or at church, or at the grocery store - I'd give you my best smile and pull on the facade I've been so good at showing. And most of the time, that's OK. For me I have to "trick" myself into believing. My reserves have been depleted and I'm all done. For month's I've blamed this on my depression coupled with seasonal depression, but, let's be honest - the snow from April 1st snow storm has already melted and the sun is out. And I did get a super-boost charge from Sunday's General Conference. But,...

Yesterday I spontaneously purchased a flight to see my baby sister in Phoenix. I mean, I thought about it around 9am, and by 2pm I had the e-ticket. I fly out tomorrow. Thankfully, family stepped in to care for R&MG while I'm gone, and I couldn't be more blessed to have such wonderful family - Aunt Carol & Travis , YOU ARE THE BEST! I feel like I'm running away in a sense, but don't worry - I made sure to buy a Round-Trip ticket so I would come back.

Lovey and I used to talk and dream about selling everything, buying an RV, and traveling with the dogs and the girls. We'd joke and say things like, "Yeah, and when we run out of money, we'll just work at the local gas station until we get enough for gas, and then we'll move on to the next stop." I'm not joking anymore - I want to do it.