Things that should never end...

Holding hands with Daddy; holding hands with sister

& a love for ice cream cones

Lovey & I took the Kuties to Cabelas for an adventure (on March 2nd). Rebecca & Mary-Gail love seeing the ginormous fish tanks with all the fish "Swimming!" (as Rebecca screams it in excitement). Mary-Gail likes to make a mad-dash for the animals, and then screech to a stop, inches before the glass barriers. Rebecca & Mary-Gail held Daddy's hand as they walked through the store. So tender. And, they held each other's hands (we've been working on the "Buddy System.

Then we went to the "M Store" for some lunch. I found out that McDonald's has tiny ice cream cones for 49 cents! I couldn't pass that up, so we four indulged on tiny vanilla ice cream cones - a first for the girls. Love the pic of Rebecca's eyes rolling to the back of her head as she licks her cone. I feel the same way!

Broken Things to Mend

A book by Elder Jeffrey R Holland.

I picked up this book the first part of February, but had been too "afraid" to open it and begin reading. This book stared me in the face each morning and night as it continued to sit, unopened, on my nightstand beside the bed. Today I opened it.

The dedication page reads,

"To all who feel that someone - or something - they love is

irreparably broken or irretrievably lost.

It is not."

Perhaps it's because I saw Elder Jeffrey R Holland and (now) President Thomas S Monson speak at a church youth conference in Juneau, Alaska, when I was 18; perhaps it's because Elder Holland spoke in our church's Stake Conference in October 2007; or perhaps it's because Elder Holland's words always pierce my soul. I truly feel something when he talks, like he's talking to me directly. I know that Elder Jeffrey R Holland is a true & faithful disciple of Jesus Christ. And, after reading & sobbing from the dedication page, I believe that Elder Holland knows that "Broken" can be "Mended."

Might I share an excerpt from the first pages of this book. I haven't been able to move beyond these pages yet - I keep reading & re-reading them, soaking in each word.

"Many people are facing personal trials and family struggles, enduring conflicts fought in the lonely foxholes of the heart, trying to hold back flood waters of despair that sometimes wash over us like a tsunami of the soul. What follows is especially for those who feel their lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair.

"To all such I offer the surest and sweetest remedy that I know. It is found in the clarion call the Savior of the world Himself gave. He said it in the beginning of His ministry, and He said it in the end. He said it to believers, and He said it to those who were not so sure. He said to everyone, whatever their personal problems might be:

'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and

I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for

I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls'
Matthew 11:28-29)."

"...I know of no other way for us to succeed or to be safe amid life's many pitfalls and problems. I know of no other way for us to carry our burdens or find what Jacob, in the Book of Mormon, called "that happiness which is prepared for the saints" (2 Nephi 9:43)."

And so the mending begins.

Small Enough (Draft dated: 3/14/09)

There is this song called, Small Enough, by Mindy Gledhill. She came to an Enrichment event in January and spoke & sang for us. I was so moved by her songs that the following week I dragged Tony with me to two stores to find Mindy's CD. I'm glad I did. I have thoroughly enjoyed listening to the music and words.

The song, Small Enough, really touched me. Most of the time I feel so small, so complelely inadequate and unable to complete the taks ahead of me, and I feel that I am alone in this.

Broken

That is how I would describe the first 3 months of this new year - broken. Hearts broken; minds broken; families broken; dreams & blessings...all broken. Being broken is a terrible feeling. I have pushed, neglected, refused all of my friends and family. I haven't been able to cope with the brokenness. For these last few months I have been paralyzed, some days being unable to function. Being broken is a terrible feeling. I have tried to see how my "broken" can be fixed. Regardless of what is used to mend it, there will always be evidence of it being broken.

I have been reverting back to my sewing days (I used to love to sew!) and remembered this particular jacket I made for my sis-in-law. It was of the most beautiful deep, rich, purple wool, lined with a complementing purple polyester lining. I put a double-pleat in the lining, something I was so proud of then. The jacket was a perfectly fitted, smart-looking jacket: waist-high with exagerrated rounded front ends, two-button closure, long, pointed lapels, and back tie. It had detachable french cuffs and a detachable over-sized french collar, which could either lay on the jacket's lapels or stand on its own. I loved this jacket and was so excited to give it away. My sis-in-law graciously thanked me and then tried it on. Remember that fabulous double-pleat in the lining? I had some trouble with it when I attached it to the inside of the jacket. Nothing much, but there was a tiny bit of evidence that showed my struggle. Above everything else fabulous about this jacket, my sis-in-law noticed the flaw...And that's when I saw the value of my creation fall in her eyes. I suppose that's what has happened. The flaws are too apparent and noticeable, and the brokenness is all anyone notices.

I'm mending what's been broken now, hoping my patch-work can repair it. Patches are OK, right? And hopefully the patches can fix the broken.